Question 10: Resolving Conflict
Published August 18, 2026
Question:What do you think is the best way to resolve a conflict, and why?
Rachel’s Response from 2023
I am a total dramatic mess of a person, but hey awareness is the first step to healing, right? In some ways, I am the least qualified person to answer this question, yet I imagine we all feel that way. Rather than answer the question with my own wisdom, I want to look at some of the things Charlie Mackesy shares in his book, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse:
“Imagine how we would be if we were less afraid”. I think when we have conflict with people, it’s important to remember that we all are afraid.
“One of our greatest freedoms is how we react to things.” I forget that I do have this freedom and that my feelings and fears don’t have the authority to rule over my responses unless I let them. Typically, conflict can either be avoided or eased with the way we respond. Of course, it's easier said than done.
“Often the hardest person to forgive is yourself”. Need I say more?
“Tears fall for a reason and they are your strength not weakness.” Crying can really show you someone’s heart. Pay attention to the tears…both someone else’s and your own.
“ ‘When have you been at your strongest?’ asked the boy. ‘When I have dared to show my weaknesses.’ ” Conflict only grows bigger when we refuse to surrender our pride. I think humility is a great balm for conflict.
“Nothing beats kindness…it sits quietly beyond all things.” Kindness can establish peace, and perhaps being kind means hearing the other person’s side.
“We don’t know about tomorrow, all we need to know is that we love each other.” Love should be the core of our lives, and bringing love into the picture is so important. Never go to bed, or drive away angry.
“This storm will pass.” Conflict has such a flair for drama and it is stressful and awful and makes you feel like nothing will be better again. Yet, this too shall pass.
Ultimately , the best way to navigate conflict or try to avoid it is seeing the best in people and doing the best we can. Best of luck to you, best of luck to me, we are all in this together.
Responses from My Community
“As hard as it may be — the best way to resolve conflict is to address it forthright and talk things through.” ~ Female, 26.
“Clear face-to-face communication with complete honesty and empathy.” ~ Female, 42.
“Don't be so certain that you are right, be willing to hear they other person's side. Express how you are feeling but know that 99% of the time it was not their intention to make you feel that way. Don't just give up when you care about your side, or you will be resentful.” ~ Male, 28.
“Addressing the issue in a timely and specific manner. Conflict triggers strong emotions and can lead to hurt feelings, disappointment, and discomfort.” ~ Female, 63.
“To be honest, I’m not the best at resolving conflicts, I tend to avoid them. But when there is a conflict between people, I think it’s important for everyone to hear each other out. Try to understand perspectives, and respond with respect. Work together to find the best solution.” ~ Female, 24.
“Make the effort to take time, actively listen, have empathy, ask questions, and sometimes compromise.” ~ Female, 64.
“Take some space, talk it through, and remember that it’s the two of you against the problem, not each of you against the other.” ~ Nonbinary, 21.
“I took a handful of conflict management courses during my Master’s program. The courses required us to role-play situations where some of my classmates were the conflicted parties, and others were the mediators. Whenever I thought we had a clear roadmap to handle the situation, a new use case came up where we had to take a different approach. All that to say, there’s not one best way to resolve conflict. Conflict, by nature, is when people’s feelings and approaches don’t line up. And people are complicated as hell. Some people like to yell, others hate it. Some want to resolve issues as fast as possible, others need time to process. Some people are close to those they’re fighting with, while others fight against strangers. However, clear and direct communication is one good way to approach most conflicts. If the other party is reasonable, then it generally helps to start with both parties sharing: - Their conflict resolution preferences - Their boundaries when resolving conflict - Their hopes or expectations to resolve the issues Once those are known, then the parties can agree on the best way to communicate their feelings, assumptions, why they think the other party(s) might be upset, items they need to clarify, what each party member could have done differently, what they hope each party member might do differently moving forward, apologies owed, etc. It’s a learned process. And that’s only if the other party is: - Reasonable. - Someone they feel close enough to share this level of detail with. - The conflict is manageable enough without an impartial person assisting in the resolution. If one of those three criteria isn’t met, it generally means that the conflict will not be resolved, or a third party, like a counselor or mediator, needs to get involved.” ~ Anonymous
“Calmly. The first thing I do when I sense there is a conflict is a silent, ‘Help me, Jesus’ plea. I try to listen to the other person's side (and consider it) before responding, and use a quiet voice while giving my viewpoint. I love to learn, and realize that this conflict could possibly be an opportunity to see things in a different light. During a recent disagreement with my son, I asked him if we could ‘agree to disagree’, and not let our differences affect our relationship. It seemed to work.” ~ Female, 78.
“Resolving conflict has a lot of factors that depend on the relationship you have with that person and what you hope for ultimate outcome of the resolution might be. I don’t think a direct confrontation is always necessary. Sometimes, in my experience, I feel hurt by someone and I know they are unaware or they did not intent to hurt me. In those moments, sometimes I spend time praying for that person and consider whether them knowing they hurt me in some way would be beneficial to our relationship. Sometimes it is enough to pray for them, which generally eases the tension I feel toward them, and make the choice to forgive without bringing it up. Other times, whatever happened does warrant a conversation. I think approaching the situation by explaining to that person what your experience was, without casting blame, eases their instinct to defend themselves. After sharing the way their actions affected me, I encourage them to share their perspective. Usually, calm and honest conversation will resolve a conflict. The one important piece to keep in mind, is what do you want the ultimate outcome to be? Do you want to walk away having reconciled and build a stronger relationship? Do you want to cut ties with that person? Are you hoping this encounter will build the bonds between you? If you keep the end goal in mind, it will inform how you choose to interact during the conversation, and what battles you may or may not choose to pick.” ~ Female, 26.
“The best way I have resolved conflict personally is by first knowing what about the situation or/and the person are triggering within me personally. For example, maybe the person reminds or triggers an unpleasant memory. Maybe, you are so passionate about an issue that they think a complete opposite opinion causing conflict. So getting that figured out is my first step. Secondly, if and only if a discussion needs to be had about disrespect or ongoing conflicts/issues I go to the person directly. Not to confront but to talk. If we can talk, each sharing how they feel without accusing, I believe it helps us understand one another better. Many times agreeing to disagree is as good as it will get, and we have to be okay with that. We all think differently and that’s okay. It’s a good thing. And being okay with that is the only way to overcome our differences with people.” ~ Female, 40.
“Through empathy and dialogue.” ~ Male, 42.
“Take person aside in an non confrontational way. Make sure there are no others around and ask the person about their feelings surrounding the conflict to get their take on the conflict. Get both of your feelings out in the open and then work together to resolve it.” ~ Female, 65.
“It would probably be best to talk about it in-person instead of a text message, in order to have a more meaningful conversation and to read body language (depending on the type of conflict). But it depends on each type of conflict - there's no "one size fits all." For some conflicts, it might be better to leave it as such/don't try to solve it, that is, if you are OK with not having a relationship with the other person it entails. Then, the conflict can still remain an unresolved conflict.” ~ Female, 27.
“Hmmm... The short answer would be: Immediately. Or, as soon as possible. Behaviorally, the best way to end a conflict is, I believe, with a heavy dose of humility. No matter how high your emotions are, allow yourself to take a step back and look at the situation from a broader perspective. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. All of this however, is easier said than done. Putting healthy conflict resolution into practice is a lifelong pursuit.” ~ Female, 29.