Question 4: Qualities of Trustworthiness
Published July 8th, 2026
How do you know when you can trust someone? What do you think makes someone trustworthy?
Rachel’s 2023 Observations
In the past, I was overly jaded, critical, and cynical of the idea of trust. Yes, many have proven unworthy of my trust before, but that is in the past. I think sometimes when we look at the idea of trust, we rely too much on our previous experiences. In fact, I suggest that we view trust through lenses tainted in the colors of our past. Not to say that we should ignore our past experiences, I do still encourage the idea of learning from them, but we need something more to help us navigate trusting in our presents and futures…our gut.
Looking at how we know we can trust someone, or what makes someone trustworthy, people might look at character qualities. Yes, these can be useful tools, but they require too much analysis from our minds. Our minds should be involved in helping us make decisions regarding trust, but there is something to be said about using your gut’s intuition. In the past, I have tended to trust people who were different from the crowd, who were opposite of average, and who are quirky. I still tend to trust unique individuals because of this bias, but it is not a bulletproof way of discerning who is trustworthy from who is not. I have had quirky people hurt me just as much as the beautifully normal in this world. Likewise, I have found allies in both the quirky and the deceptively average. Do you hear a problem in my statements? I do. I am categorizing people: normal vs. abnormal, popular vs. quirky, beautiful vs. not typically seen as beautiful by society. Perhaps one key to trust is to stop trusting stereotypes. Thus, we need to trust our guts.
First impressions can be inaccurate, but they can be accurate too. Do not end correspondence with someone after a first impression unless major red flags come up. I think sometimes the best people have awkward mannerisms, may not say things exactly right the first time, and have great hearts all the same. I think people with great manners and words can have equally great hearts. It is best not to judge people based on their manners, until their manners raise red flags.
At that indescribable moment, you will know whether that person is worthy of trust. Your gut will know. I need to warn you though, your gut does not always agree with your emotions or feelings. Trust the gut first, and the feelings and emotions will work themselves out eventually. Being a Christian, I say that your gut is the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and discernment, but I know other people identify it in other ways. You know you. Keep an open mind and heart, but ultimately, don’t forget to trust your gut. Guts never lie, minds and hearts can be misled.
Responses from My Community
“I think that it’s just an intuition thing. You just know when you can truly trust someone. My main clues to someone being trustworthy would be when they have a quiet nature and when they value the quality of friends rather than the quantity.” ~ Female, 19.
“They have to prove themselves. Knowing what’s important to you and knowing your love language helps so much. Trust is built over time.” ~ Anonymous
“I put my trust in an individual who is honest, respectful, dependable (can rely on them to do the right thing), and is true to their word. I do not have a lot of trust in a person who slanders others and gossips.”~ Female, 78.
“How do I know when you can trust someone? There are some people I would trust automatically, such as family members. I would associate them as being trustworthy from the very beginning. On the other hand, I have a few family members I have learned over time NOT to trust based on their behaviors. So sometimes your initial trust changes once you grow older and wiser. I think with time and the more you spend with someone, you can learn whether or not to trust someone. What do I think makes someone trustworthy? I think that someone is trustworthy if they follow-through with what they say they'll do, answer your questions directly, and tell the truth to you. I also think you can tell if someone is trustworthy based on their interactions with others such as how they interact with their family and friends. Through this, you get a better sense of their other relationships, to get more of a ‘full picture’ of the person.” ~ Female, 27.
“I usually go with my gut. I’m pretty good at reading people.” ~ Female, 64.
“They are consistent, you can count on them to have the same behavior and language to remain consistent, they respect boundaries.” ~ Female, 63.
“If a person tends to talk badly about other people, you can bet they are doing the same about you when you are not in the room.” ~ Female, 42.
“That’s a great question! I literally took an hour walk and couldn’t think of one person I could trust with the chaos in my life right now. There are people I trust to certain extents, and with certain personal things. I won’t trust just anyone, but ultimately it’s their character I look at. How do they express themselves about other people to me? That’s a tall tale sign of how much I can trust someone.” ~ Female, 40.
“Their actions speak louder than their words. Do they love others? Have joy? Peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self control??? Do they speak well of others?” ~ Female, 52.
“The platitude that trust is not easily built but is easily broken rings true,. Trust with others involves self revelation. When building trust with an individual, I start with self-disclosure that is fairly insignificant or public knowledge. If a person handles this self-disclosure in a way that is honoring to me, I may disclose something deeper. Additionally, I think it is easier to trust someone from common walks of life. I am more likely to open up to someone while we are doing an activity that we both enjoy.” ~Male, 26
“I’ve learned that the more I trust someone, the more I seem to feel comfortable being myself around them. If I feel like the person cares about me enough to where I can be goofy or not hide myself in front of them, and still cares about me and enjoys my presence, then they’re a trustworthy person. In my experience, certain people I meet tend to make me feel more comfortable with being myself. I find myself becoming friends with them more quickly than others. Maybe it’s that they give off trustworthy and safe feelings. They might not always be a trustworthy person in the end. But when making new friends, these are the types of people that I look out for, and more often than not, they end up staying in my life for a very long time.” ~ Female, 24.
“It takes time for me to trust someone. A trustworthy person will keep their promises and keep your secrets.” ~Female, 63.
“I know when I can trust someone when they seem to take interest in my life but don’t demand to know things about me for their own interest. They don’t express the need to squeeze juicy information out of me but show they care and are there to listen to what I need to share- even if it doesn’t make sense to them because they don’t have all the details. That’s how I know I can emotionally trust someone. However, there are many ways someone can be trustworthy. This is one of the ways I think I value the most.” ~Female, 25.
“For me, it’s definitely a vibe. Some people I just can trust right away. Always trust your gut, if you get a bad feeling about someone, there’s definitely a reason. People can also prove that they’re trustworthy by following through with what they say they’re going to do and by being genuine and kind.” ~ Nonbinary, 21.
“I think having mutual levels of reciprocity in the relationship shows each person the trustworthiness of each other. And in even simpler terms, I think having someone be on your side shows their trustworthiness.” ~ Female, 26.
“In my experience there is a lot of trial and error, in that you have to figure out what trust means to you individually, how it manifests itself in others' behavior and actions, and what it entails. Many times, one discovers someone is trustworthy or less than trustworthy, when they have done something to break the trust. They may break the trust, own that they did so, and try to make amends, e.g., by apologizing and following through consistently with an adjustment in behavior, thereby rebuilding trust. Or, they may have crossed a line that can't be fixed or remain inconsistent. Trust entails vulnerability, i.e., I share something with someone that gives them a level of power to hurt me, hurt my sense of self and self-esteem, for example, or my expectations for what we provide each other. In my view, someone is trustworthy when I can rely on them to act and behave toward me and in the world with integrity and aligned with my values and ethics, to have good intentions and live them, to make only promises they can keep and keep them, to not overstep boundaries, to be considerate of when and how to express criticism of any of my actions or behavior, to hold my confidences as closely as they hold their own. One doesn't have to necessarily expel a person from one's life entirely for having broken trust, if there's room to adjust one's expectations. I can value someone, for what they can give, knowing that there are things I cannot rely on, and in future I won't rely on them. I have to ask myself, what's my bottom line? For example, if I have a friend that invalidates my feelings, shames me for having them or doesn't understand and dismisses them and thereby me, "hitting me" when I'm down, then I won't give them insight into (sharing) feelings that make me vulnerable to that person's likelihood of hurting me.” ~Female, 55+.
“Deep trust takes time to build. You build deeper trust by simple things like is this person respecting me, do they listen, are they intentional. If people cannot take the time to build with ‘little’ things then I would never have a deep trust.” ~ Female, 45.
“I think the test of time will show whether or not someone can be trusted. A lot of relationships are tested by small and consistent moments that build the foundation of trust. If those opportunities are missed, the relationship will fail to develop depth. If those opportunities to build trust happen, and one person fails to show their trustworthiness, often that is proof they cannot be trusted. In short, time will reveal the truth behind people’s intentions, actions, and trustworthiness.” ~ 26 year old
“I think that it develops out of sharing—this could be the sharing of items or the sharing of personal stories. Over time someone will demonstrate their trustworthiness with small and big things, things that are tangible and things that are intangible.” ~ Male, 42.